BasukePuri: Prince of Basketball
by Nerrin
Summary: A humourous tourney featuring various characters spying on another school playing basketball. Features Seigaku, Rikkai, Hyotei and Shitenhouji. Title says it all - this is Tenipuri, only with basketball!


**Author:** **nerrin**  
**Rating:** C for Crack  
**Character/Pairing(s):** Seigaku, Hyotei, Rikkaidai, Shitenhouji [Part A feat. Shiraishi, Kenya and Seigaku]  
**Prompt:** Tenipuri as a Taiwanese basketball drama.

**Court A --** Hyotei  
**Court B --** Seigaku  
**Court C --** Rikkaidai  
**Court D --** Shitenhouji

**Court B: **

Today was an once-in-a-lifetime gathering of giants -- Kenya knew that much, at least. He'd been wrestling with most of them for a good part of his youth and even being with his own team was threatening to wear away at his non-existent nerves. Zaizen had also similarly confessed his woes but alas, today's covet mission was not to do with his kohai's sanity. Today's mission was _scouting_, or so Shiraishi had so decently put it.

"Concentrate," Shiraishi whispered conspiringly to an unconvinced-this-was-even-gonna-work Kenya, snapping his fingers impatiently in front of his friend's face. "We have a match to watch." Kenya bit down the urge to chomp down hard on Shiraishi's slender fingers.

The courts were well-oiled, well-ventilated, well-lit and well-maintained, in overall. The floor was shining, more sparkly than Chitose had ever been. Scores of people hunkered over today's program sheet, already seated in place. God knew why the match started in Court B instead of Court A, but it was supposed that this year's favorite for the championship, Seishun Gakuen (a.k.a Seigaku, as they were known), got first priority. More priority than the reigning champions, Rikkaidai. Kenya reckoned the whole thing was propaganda set up by Rikkai's Yanagi to make the team seem better at mopping the floor with their opponents.

Order was key. Seigaku's rivals had arrived, some other team from some other district. Kenya whistled between his teeth and Shiraishi sighed in his seat. The two had chosen a pair right at the edge of the rails separating the courts from the spectators for a clearer view, and Shiraishi was gripping at the rail in front of them, drumming his fingers impatiently.

"No competition," Kenya drawled, lacing his fingers behind his head and leaning back. "They just lost the game."

Shiraishi chuckled, soft and low. Kenya liked how he always did it like that. "You can tell already?"

"As if _you_ can't," he shot back, quirking an eyebrow at his captain. The other boy turned his unwavering gaze from the courts to look at him, and smiled. It was one of those confident, I-knew-I-could-do-it smiles that gave Shiraishi his reputation as a complete _bastard_ when really, he wasn't.

"True, that."

---

The match had already started by the time Kenya stopped daydreaming about food to take a closer look at the courts. He didn't like wasting this bird's-eye view of his potential rivals and their asses. It was actually quite amusing watching their asses. They moved across the court at light-speed. They bounced. They did all sorts of things.

Shiraishi took a good long stare at Kenya. His friend had a tendency to look absolutely _adorable_ when immersed or fascinated by something and god knew exactly what Kenya was thinking with that devious little smile on his face. Ah, well, interrogation later, scouting now. It was all Osamu's fault, really. Nagashi Soumen was starting to become to the Shitenhouji regulars what Inui's juices were to Seigaku's.

"Ah, look," Kenya piped up. "There's Seigaku's dataman with his data-basketball thing again. Apparently they say he can analyze your stats so well, he moves as though he's reading your mind."

As though right on cue, Inui Sadaharu wove through the last remaining lines of opposing defense and tossed the ball right into the basket with ease, as though having calculated all this already. Shiraishi nodded his acknowledgement of the man's abilities. "He's good, but Chitose's the one who can _really_ read minds."

"Like how he magically knew Kin-chan was gonna barf halfway through practice yesterday."

"Soooomething like that."

Kenya snorted, turning back to the match in front of them. "I think Chitose just fed him something, though."

"Oh, that's enough from you. Check out Seigaku's Golden Pair."

"You mean _those two?_," Kenya muttered. "Sometimes I swear they're gayer than Koharu and Yuuji."

Shiraishi shrugged his assent. "Hyotei's Silver Pair is stiff competition."

"You don't say!"

Kenya flailed a little with his arms, before pointing at the courts. "Look at 'em Synchro, it's like they're possessed or something!"

Seigaku was leading, (about 15-0 already) in that short a time. Kenya whistled. The pressure was on Shitenhouji to beat their little record. Then Seigaku's Golden Pair seemed to fly across the courts with their mad moves – they synchro'd, Oishi Moon-volley'd (which was more of an epic scoop-shot than some volley) and –

"Jesus fucking Christ, did that Kikumaru guy just _duplicate_ himself!?"

"Well," Shiraishi nudged Kenya, "You can always triplicate yourself."

"That's very nice of you."

"You're faster. Generally speaking."

"Why, thank you."

The rest of the game flew by. It was like watching porcupines on steroids play against drunk pufferfish with bad cases of heroin overdose. Seigaku completely dominated the first half of the game despite being stuck at a standstill for quite some time before breaking through with Momoshiro's Dunk Smash, which seemed more a tennis maneuver than a _basketball_ one, but it took all sorts. Then Kaidoh proceeded to take Inui's part of being the Control Tower away from him, passing the ball left and right to his teammates using a curved snake-shot (God knew how he saw around everyone but he _did_) that always seemed just out of their opponents' reach.

But the game was far from over – the second half had yet to commence and Seigaku was leading by only about 20 points, Kenya mused. Their opponents could actually manage to take the game from them if they weren't careful.

Kenya needn't have worried. Seigaku seemed to be pulling out all the big guns this season, and out onto the field stepped their top three superhumans – Fuji Syuusuke, Echizen Ryoma, and finally, one Tezuka Kunimitsu whose presence was so awe-inducing that it shut the whole stadium up the moment he stepped onto the courts.

"Don't let your guard down!" he yelled, before a quick 'Osu!' from the team. Seigaku was ready to go.

"I didn't think he'd be showing his face this soon," Shiraishi said. "This'll be more interesting to watch."

Kenya didn't even spare him a moment of hesitation. "Everyone loves Tezuka, apparently. Well, everyone except you, maybe. Check out how obsessed half the other teams are with the poor boy. He's only fifteen, for the love of god."

"Jealous?"

"More like weirded out."

"Oh, check out Fuji-kun's Triple Counters."

Kenya grunted. "Good way to change the topic."

But indeed those Triple Counters were a sight to behold:

There was Higuma Otoshi, a swift move that intercepted any pass from the opponents, successfully messing up their routes and enabling Fuji to get away with the ball. Also was Hakugei, a strange sort of pass that involved rotating wrists, sending the ball to the boundaries of the court and giving his opponents a sense of security because everyone would naturally think that such a dangerous pass would just roll out. But no! With Hakugei, the ball simply bounded back to Fuji and again he would be allowed to run through the gaps created in his enemy's mental defenses.

Then Tsubame Gaeshi, which was –

"Hold on a fucking second, isn't that _illegal!?_"

"I'm not sure," Shiraishi shrugged. "The ball rolls then gets picked up – isn't that what Tsubame Gaeshi is, essentially?"

"But the move looks like he's bowling the damn ball."

"Which isn't a problem unless the wrong dude picks it up, Kenya."

"I don't understand this anymore."

"Neither do I."

And so the game continued. Fuji strutted his stuff on the oiled courts, Echizen showed off and nearly got manhandled by the opposing team after his tenth 'mada mada dane', Momoshiro displayed exhibitionist tendencies, Kaidoh flaunted his ass all over the court, Inui's glasses glinted in the sunlight and the Golden Pair reveled in their awesome.

Then there was Tezuka. In the final five minutes of the match, he finally gave up trying to pretend that his elbow was still injured (a fact Shiraishi noted, and Kenya also put in that the only person who could pretend successfully as such was actually Rikkaidai's Niou) and started to give the audience a reason as to _why_ he was Seigaku's former Pillar of Support.

"There it is!" Kenya and Shiraishi both heard the announcer blare out through the loudspeakers. "The Tezuka Zone!"

They turned their eyes to the court. Shiraishi looked quite frankly impressed, though Kenya not quite so. "The _fuck_ is that?"

"It's a move where the balls always go his way."

"How?"

Shiraishi hemmed and hawed for some time before replying. "Something about top-spin and rotating his arm."

"How the HELL does that even work!?"

Kenya facepalmed. And through the sting in his forehead, he doubted the sanity of the world. "The Tezuka Zone," he mumbled. "How does having balls attracted to you help in scoring?"

Shiraishi leant over and tugged Kenya back up from his slumped position in his seat. "It's like a super-magnet, see? The spin is so powerful anyone that tries to intercept the shot will have the ball slip out of his hands and roll back."

"That's only because their fingers suck."

Shiraishi rolled his eyes. "It takes all sorts."

"Crazy world."

**To be continued in Part B.**

Oh, by the way, Seigaku won. 87-30. Kawamura was on reserve.


End file.
